Mass Effect™ Legendary Edition 100% LEGIT ROMANCE Guide

 

INTRODUCTION

AS AN EXPERT ON ROMANCE I’M HERE TO BE YOUR GUIDE IN THE FAR FUTURE. THIS GUIDE WILL TELL YOU WHO’S HOT AND WHO’S NOT. THERE WILL BE SPOILERS HERE I GUESS. ENJOY.

ALSO THIS IS PROBABLY NOT SO SERIOUS SO DON’T HATE ME MAN.

NUMBER 1, ASHLEY. WILL.

PROS

• NICE HAIR
• LESS RACIST THAN FIRST APPEARS

CONS

• IF YOU HAVE A MYSTERIOUS DEATH SHE WILL LEAVE YOU
• QUESTIONABLE CHOICE IN ARMOUR.

CAN BE ROMANCED BY: FELLAS

NUMBER 2. oKAY DAN. ALENKO

PROS

• HAS A SUITABLY TRAGIC PAST
• MALEWIFE MATERIAL
• CAN AND WILL COOK FOR YOU, EVEN IF NOT IN A RELATIONSHIP, PRACTICAL SKILLS ARE HOT

CONS

• HEADACHES AREN’T HOT
• IF YOU HAVE A MYSTERIOUS DEATH HE WILL LEAVE YOU

CAN BE ROMANCED BY: LADIES AND LATER ON DUDES

PART 3 LIE-ARA ARA. T’SOWN ME.

PROS

• BLUE
• WILL NOT LEAVE YOU IF YOU DIE MYSTERIOUSLY
• HOT ENOUGH TO PISS OFF CNN
• HAS HEALTHY EMOTIONAL GROWTH
• SAYS NO TO GENDER

CONS

• PROBABLY KNOWS ABOUT SOME WEIRD STUFF YOU’VE DONE
• MORE ATTRACTED TO ANCIENT ALIENS THAN YOU
• WORRYINGLY INTO MIND FLAYING

CAN BE ROMANCED BY: ANYONE!

CHAPTER 4 GARRUS. ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥. VAKERIAN.

PROS

• IT’S GARRUS. COME ON.
• VOICE OF PURE S*X
• OTHER GUYS WILL JUST FEED YOU LINES
• DECIDES TO STOP BEING A COP, CHOOSES BATMAN INSTEAD

cons

• HE MIGHT BE TOO GOOD FOR YOU
• YOU WILL HAVE TO COMPETE WITH A QUARIAN AND A FRENCH PERSON FOR HIS LOVE

CAN BE ROMANCED BY: WOMEN OF CULTURE

jacob

pros

• i guess him saying ‘the priiiize’ is funni

CONS

• WILL LEAVE YOU EVEN IF YOU DON’T DIE A MYSTERIOUS DEATH
• WILL AGGRESSIVELY FLIRT WITH YOU WHEN YOU DON’T WANT HIM TO
• WILL SOMEHOW BEND REALITY TO MAKE YOU FLIRT BACK WITHOUT MEANING TO

CAN BE ROMANCED BY: IDIOTS

SEGMENT 6. THANE. CRY-US.

PROS

• DILF
• WAS MADE TO BE HOT
• COOL ASSASSIN BOY GO BRRRR

CONS

• CRIPPLING DISEASE
• HIS SON IS A TROUBLED YOUTH

CAN BE ROMANCED BY: LADIES

CHAPTER 7: TALI. ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥. ZORAH.

PROS

• IT’S TALI, COME ON
• HIPS THAT COULD KILL A REAPER
• EXCELLENT SINGER
• FUNNY DRINKER
• HAS THE GOOD SENSE TO WEAR THE BEST COLOUR, PURPLE

CONS

• CONSTANTLY CARRYING SHARP KNIFE
• WILL GIVE YOU BAD PHOTOS OF HERSELF

CAN BE ROMANCED BY: MEN OF CULTURE

PART 8. JACKED.

PROS

• COULD PROBABLY CRUSH A WATERMELON WITH BIOTIC THIGHS
• DOM
• HAS A SPACE DOG
• CAN FIGHT AND DO ROMANCE AT THE SAME TIME

CONS

• POTTY MOUTH
• MIGHT GET COLD WITH LACK OF CLOTHING
• ANGER

CAN BE ROMANCED BY: MAN

MOMENT 9: MIRANDA NO-LAWS

PROS

• DISTRACTINGLY LARGE A*S
• SURPRISINGLY WHOLESOME
• WENT HOME AND BECAME A FAMILY WOMAN
• FABULOUS ACCENT

CONS

• HAS A CREEPY NOT-DAD
• PRETTY AVERAGE, BUT I GUESS THAT’S NOT BAD, YOUR PREFERENCE, IT’S JUST NOT FOR ME, IF YOU ENJOY THAT THEN THIS IS A PRO PROBABLY

CAN BE ROMANCED BY: GUYS

PART 10, JUDGE SAMARA

PROS

• IS THE LAW
• MILF
• MEDITATION GF

CONS

• MARRIED TO JUSTICE
• SAD ABOUT KIDS 🙁

CAN BE ROMANCED BY: PEOPLE WHO ENJOY BEING LET DOWN

OH GOD NO DON’T

PROS

• DEATH BY SNU SNU

CONS

• DEATH

CAN BE ROMANCED BY: NOBODY

BIT 12: C KELLY

PROS

• HAS A HOT OUTFIT ON HAND FOR SOME REASON
• WILL SAVE YOUR FISH FROM AN AGONISING DEATH
• IS ABLE TO CHANGE APPEARANCE AT WILL

CONS

• WON’T SHUT UP ABOUT MESSAGES YOU’VE ALREADY READ
• MIGHT COMPARE YOUR COOL ALIEN FRIENDS TO ANIMALS

CAN BE ROMANCED BY: ALL THE PEOPLE

PORTION 13: SAM TRAY TRAY

PROS

• IS A BIG FAN OF CRASHING OTHER PEOPLE’S BATHING SESSIONS
• CAN AND WILL KICK YOUR A*S QUEENS GAMBIT STYLE
• A MUCH BETTER PERSONAL ASSISTANT, WILL NOT PESTER YOU

CONS

• IS DECEIVED EASILY BY CLONES
• MORE ATTRACTED TO ROBOTS THAN YOU

CAN BE ROMANCED BY: GALS

PART 14: STEVE!

PROS

• VERY WHOLESOME
• CAN TAKE YOU TO COOL PLACES IN HIS SPACE CAR
• WHAT IF WE HELD HANDS IN THE KODIAK JK JK… UNLESS???

CONS

• VERY SAD, I FEEL BAD FOR HIM
• CAN COME ON A BIT STRONG
• INSUFFICIENT HAPPINESS WILL LEAD TO A TRAGIC DEMISE

CAN BE ROMANCED BY: GUYS

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