© Witold von Evereck

Previously, everything was simpler: monsters are evil, people are kind. And now… Somehow everything got mixed up…

© Vesemir

Life doesn’t always resemble a fairy tale, but you have to believe in something.

© Geralt of Rivia

You have to believe in something…. And then I don’t want to live…

© Vesemir

Lying won’t get you far… Even on horseback.

© Geralt

A woman does makeup only to please herself.

© Keira Metz

This is Novigrad. Only the innocent burn at the stake here

© Joachim von Gratz

Do you know how chess differs from real war? In chess, there are always the same rules and the number of pawns on both sides is the same, in life everything is not so

© Radovid

To live forever does not mean to live a full life.

© Olgerd von Everek

A person sometimes needs to taste a little madness to refresh the taste for life.

© Olgerd von Everek

Usually, if I have to choose between two evils, I prefer not to choose at all, but sometimes I have to choose a greater evil in order to do at least a little good.

© Geralt of Rivia

Women are very simple. The only problem is that men are complete fools.

© Gunther O’Dim

I’ll tell you this: be careful in your desires, because they can come true. And then you’ll butt heads with the consequences.

© Olgerd von Everek

I learned one thing then: Knights don’t behave like knights when no one is looking at them.

© Siana

A hairpin can and does look like a decoration…But if you drive it into the eye, it kills as well as a sword.

© Oriana

Sincerity is a trait of the brave and a privilege of the few.

© Regis

A killer can be more human than a knight in shining armor.

© Sianna

The time of change is coming. It will be sad to grow old, realizing that I have not done anything so that the coming changes would be changes for the better

© Yen

If a woman doesn’t say something, it doesn’t mean that she doesn’t mean it.

Moreover, there are situations when they say one thing, but they want something completely different.

© Zoltan Khivai

And how many times have I told her: don’t train alone, you’ll only fix mistakes.

© Vesemir

With experience comes mastery.

© Geralt

For a long time, the most terrible enemy for people was not a foreigner at all, but a neighbor.

© Geralt

Excess of power kills.

© Geralt

Kings die, kingdoms fall apart, and magic lives on.

© Philippa Elhart

“Next time I talk about trading cards, punch me in the forehead. The drawbar from the cart.

© Witold von Evereck

Do I see well? Did you f*cking climb a tree to hide from that dog?

© Witold von Evereck

There’s no way you’re f*cking going to learn.

© Geralt of Rivia, the witcher.

“Lambert, Lambert is a walrus d*ck. Lambert, Lambert is a bad d*ck.”

© Geralt

Geralt, you… how to put it mildly…. you’re f*cking

© Dijkstra

It’s better not to spoil yourself with us, as long as you stay whole… I won’t express myself in front of women.

© Zoltan

Why don’t you like the swamps? I’ve been living here all my life and I advise everyone.

© Ivasik

I just got back myself, I thought I was waiting for a cold beer, a hot ham, and then an a*s…

© Zoltan

Perversions galloped off

© Geralt

You see, elvish beauty is like new wine from a Beauclerk. And somehow I’m more into vodka.

© Zoltan

Disperse the swineherds or Mr. Witcher, you will be given such p*ssies, you will never forget! Where’s the drin, any?!

© Witold von Evereck

How to call a sheep… Kitty-kitty? Chick-chick? Hey, sheep! Let’s go. We will hunt the fork-tail.

© Geralt

I haven’t fought with a bare a*s yet!

© Cleaver

Oh, f*ck it all in three bends!

© Thaler

Buttercup does not divide people by origin. In bed, everyone is equal.

© Zoltan

Don’t teach Grandpa to cough.

© Lambert

Buttercup, F*CK!

© Geralt

Kiss the headman’s a*s until old age.

© Peasant

Do you want to send me the f*ck? Welcome, b*tch, come on! I’ll send you the f*ck then too! So what? Let’s hug together, shall we?

© The Bloody Baron

I’m not shy by nature at all, but here my a*s is just sweating

© Smart guy

He’s a strange man – he sees spirits and f*cks with a goat

© The Bloody Baron about the Fortune Teller

Solid rarities at affordable prices… Oh b*tch! You didn’t see me!

© Nizushek-merchant

Here’s the cholera…

© Geralt

Less thinking means less sad.

© Bart

It’s a long story, life is s*it!

© Zoltan

Mermaid t*ts, yes, you’re a beggar better than me.

© A poor man in Novigrad

The infection, the b*tch, the bastard! She put a spell on him too!

© Geralt about the troll who was bewitched by Philippa

Quiet in the fields of the Nilfgaardian country, the Emhyr-emperor has pissed his pants!

© Village boy

You’re f*cking around…

© Geralt to Gunther O’Dim when he stopped time

Do you want to turn a beautiful act of altruism into a stupid exchange of services?

© Ivasik

We check the theory with practice. To every young lady for whom I have fished out a shoe, I can stick it… If she lifts her skirt… A foot in a shoe, of course.

© Witold

And now, Shani, take out your foot and let me insert….. it into the shoe.

© Witold Von Evereck

If you hit people again! I’ll whack you, bang and boom! Understood?

© Geralt Troll

With a partner like you, even a chair could dance.

© Witold Shani

Your health, dear dwarves! Don’t let your beards get under your feet!

© Witold

I hate portals

© Geralt

Eh… I thought portals were the most disgusting thing in the world. But no, taxes are worse.

© Geralt

The Witcher won’t pass. A beautiful boot forbade.

© Bart about Philip

What’s it? If I wanted to see white mice, I’d just get drunk.

© Geralt Keire Metz

Time is not a d*ck: it will not stand.

© Courtesan

It’s easier to find a tooth in the a*s than a bastard in his house

© The Dwarf of the Cleaver

You’re as pale as oatmeal s*it.

© Man

Why do half the people I meet on the way immediately decide to attack an armed witcher? Maybe there’s something wrong with my face?

© Geralt

I hope you have an explanation for what is happening. A very good explanation!

© Jennifer, when she saw that the witchers had changed into dresses

As old King Desmond used to say, looking into his filled chamber pot: You can’t grasp all this with your mind!

© Zoltan Khivai

My d*ck, as a pioneer, to set an example to everyone.

© Witch Hunter

Drinking alone is like… s*it in the company.

© Zoltan Khivai

How many years, old kueputalo! Glad to see you in good health.

© Zoltan Khivai

You sound like a pribozhek, you look like a pribozhek… and you’re just pribozhek.

© Geralt Pribozhiku

It’s better not to spoil yourself with us, as long as you stay whole… Oh, b*tch, I would rhyme, Geralt, but it’s not supposed to be with a lady.

© Zoltan

Ivasik-karasik blew out the whole kvass, then fart like a fool for a whole hour

© Children in grandma’s hut

B*tch, f*ck you with a horse, you didn’t let me talk to a person normally!

– “In order to lure a fork-tail, tie a goat to a peg with a rope, and hide among the foliage as soon as possible.”

– Does it bother anyone that the current champion is a troll?

– And why should it bother anyone? This is a very decent troll. He came and said he wanted to fight. Then the champion was Zama, nicknamed Sandy. He got the nickname even before the troll drove him into the ground.

© Geralt and the organizer of fist fights, Skellige Islands

– What’s this troll’s name?

“He won’t give up his name until he’s defeated. This is a wandering troll.

– If he dies in battle, he won’t reveal his name.

“That’s right. But he doesn’t seem to be thinking of dying… Or maybe it’s because he’s a troll. And he just doesn’t think.

© Geralt and the organizer of fist fights, Skellige Islands

– What, it’s already 1358th?

– No…

– Well, get the f*ck out of here.”

© Vampire

-“Black magic! F*cking sorcerer!”?

© Geralt

“-You can’t f*cking learn.”

© Geralt of Rivia

“I see you’re getting along well with the troll.”

– I have a lot of experience. I’ve been working with idiots all my life.

© Geralt and Dijkstra

“He must have hit his hooves very hard before they did.”.. discard

– I’m not sure this is the right time for jokes.

– I’m sorry. With us doctors… somewhat different sensitivity.

– Yeah. And a bad sense of humor.

© Geralt and Joachim von Gratz

– Are there always so many interesting things in the channels?

– yes… Fortunately.

– Fortunately?!

– This is my constant source of income.

© Geralt and Triss after the battle with Katakan

“I thought necromancy was forbidden.”

– As well as s*x before the wedding. Don’t fill your head with nonsense.

© Geralt and Ian

– The main thing is to beware of raspberries and strawberries.

– Yes, I don’t let them get close, they are dangerous monsters.

© Geralt and the Sorcerer

– How are you?

– The old wh*re gave b*rth! Get out of here!

© Geralt and the Grave

– How are you living?

– Like a potato moth: I sit quietly, I don’t catch my eye, I chop potatoes.

© Geralt and Thaler

– Why these tears. Do not worry, honorable lady, it harms beauty…

– You must have been upset a lot.

– I was just born scary.

© Geralt and Dijkstra

– You… You smell wonderful.

– Geralt! We’re at a funeral!

– You smell wonderful at this funeral!”

© Ian and Geralt

– Shall we try to kill him?

– I wouldn’t risk it.

– Fa*got.

© Geralt and Summer from Guleta

– Wow, they’ve arranged it here!

– Buttercup, refrain from comments, I’m not in the mood to joke.

– And I’m the opposite! What did you play? In the taming of demons or in “free the prince”?

– Buttercup, F*CK!..

– I’m sorry, I couldn’t deny myself a drop of sarcasm.

© Geralt and Buttercup

– My daughter loved animals so much as a child… One day I saw the antlers of a deer and you know what I asked?

– I have no idea.

– He says: “Daddy, does this deer have a butt behind the wall?”

© The Bloody Baron

– Face me in a duel!

– First get together with your boots… Nedomerok…

© Geralt and the nedoritsar

– Hey, Geralt, what’s the rhyme for the word “witcher”?

– … “ham”?

– Oh… Better keep quiet.

© Priscilla and Geralt

— You have a wasp waist!

— And you’re an aspen yourself!

© Eskel and Lambert

– What… happened?

— We got drunk in three as*holes, that’s what happened. Get up, let’s go drink

© Eskel and Lambert

— Where did you find this hat?

– From Vesemir’s chest. The peak of fashion of 1112! The old man probably went to the girls in it. Or, as they used to say then, a quadrille of mamzels.

© Lambert

—Are you in trouble with some kind of monster?”

– You put it well… Yes, we are, bi*tch, in the blackest a*s, that’s what we have “trouble”.

© Geralt and the Soldier

– Yes, now they will love you in the village.

– Now love them now all in the a*s.

© Geralt and the blacksmith Willy from the White Garden

– A brave, apparently, a soldier, once hung two swords. You, gray-haired! Why do you need two swords? Do you keep two d*cks in your pants? Are you f*cking deaf? Will you tell me who you are, or should I untie your tongue with a knife?

– The Witcher. You ask why I need two swords? One is for monsters, the other is for people. I have only one penis.

© Geralt and the Baron’s soldiers

– A nasty wound. Ran into a Utopian?

– And f*ck you?!

– Wow. He is not only an arsonist, but also a master of witty response.

© Geralt and the Arsonist from the White Garden

– Mmm, slurp, deliciously, crump. Oops, sorry, I completely forgot about manners. Stop staring, the ghouls also need to live somehow.

– AAAAAAA!

© Geralt and the talking ghoul

— I give people what they ask for. You can say that I fulfill wishes.

— And you get people into trouble.

—It’s not me, it’s just their own desires in all their glory. I’m honest. I only give people what they want. If they desire unworthy things, it is only because that is their rotten nature.

© Geralt and Gunther O’Dim

— Here’s another question: why do you sometimes drop me in battle?

—I don’t remember that.”

– The stump is clear.

© Geralt and Roach (during the quest)

– Move it, Roach.

—What do you think I’m doing?”

© Geralt and Roach (during the quest)

— I’m glad I took a walk with you. It was very instructive.

— And what did you learn?

— Do you know why Elda and Cymoril stayed together, despite everything?

— No…

– Because they are statues… Just statues.

© Triss and Geralt

— The biggest horseradish in Novigrad… not literally, but in the sense of…

– that’s what I understood.

© Geralt and Zoltan

“I killed the monster. It was a griffin. The Arch Gryphon.

– I’m grateful to you. Arch-grateful! I beg… Here’s your reward

© Geralt and the customer

– If in doubt, do what your instinct tells you. Even if he tells you wrong, and you get into s*it, you get into it in agreement with yourself. And this is the most important thing.

– Good advice.

– Well! I am, after all, the high priest.

© Myshovur and Geralt

– Do you know what just occurred to me? Apart from the two of us and Ciri, Geralt has already managed to sleep with all the women on this ship.

– Don’t be sad, in your case it’s only a matter of time.

© Margareta and Philippa

– How do you do it? You play flutes here, draw landscapes with unicorns during the rut, build carved towers with flowers-curls. And then you kill us. Without batting an eye. Without any remorse. How?

– Do people feel remorse when they kill elves Aen Seidhe? The Dwarves? Dryads? We are the same as you… Because we equally believe that we are better than others.

© Geralt and Avalakh

– And how is it that all I have to do is whistle, and you’re right there?

– So you’re my man. I have to keep an eye on you. Call me with you, I will come through the evil nights!

– And then why do you swim across the ocean at my call, and stop in front of a small fence?

– Well, you know, everyone has their limits.

© Geralt and Roach

– Put these handcuffs on me, Geralt.

– Is that really what you want?” Here? In front of everyone?

– You may be surprised, but handcuffs are also used outside the bedroom.

© Geralt and Triss

– You won’t pass! The beautiful sopozha forbade!

– B*tch, the bastard, she also cast a spell on him!

© Geralt and the Troll

– You’re such a pig sometimes, but I love you, brother.

– And you’re a terrible braggart sometimes… But that’s it, b*tch… I’ll follow you into the fire!

© Geralt and Lambert

– Do you think universals can exist as the essence of concrete things, or are they just a product of the mind?

– Umaumaumauma.

– I guess I think so too.

© Beggar in Novigrad

– Yennefer makes even the most polite requests look like threats. That’s what I’ve always liked about her. Good. So be it.

© Emgyr Var Emreis

– Listen, I wouldn’t like to interfere between vodka and a snack, don’t get me wrong. I will help you, no matter what you arrange, but, in my opinion, now we need to counterattack! It is necessary to find a Wild Hunt and cover it like a bull sheep!

© Zoltan

– First the Ouroboros mask, now the Sunstone. Monsters can sleep peacefully, since you have become a treasure hunter.

© Myshovur

– Of course, bi*ch! Who took Snow White’s virginity? Dwarves!

© Caesar Bilsen, the dwarf collector

– Well, as Constable Natalis used to say, you deserve a medal, or even a week’s vacation in a brothel!

© Nidas, veteran of the army of Temeria

– Oh, I’d punch you between the eyes, but then they’ll start saying that Lugos is crazy. Take the card and get out.

© Lugos the Mad

– Do you know what corrective pills are?

© I don’t remember where

– what kind of waffle is this, oh f*ck yourself!!

© Bastard Junior Geralt

– Well, be!

– I, b*tch, already am!

© Thaler

– Oh, you b*tch, invisibility passes.

– Shall we try to kill him?

— I wouldn’t risk it.

– F*ggot.

© Geralt, Lambert and Summer from Guleta

– Let’s change into Yennefer’s dress. Her bags are there…

– What are you doing? Are you going to wear this?

– Shut up, smart guy, or I’ll tighten my corset so that you’ll s*it all your pants.